heartbroken

Today is one of those days that stick with you for a while. Before I talk about the hard stuff maybe I should talk about the good stuff. I was real happy with the def poetry stuff. I thought it looked good, and you know that’s all you can ask for. Thank you to everyone that supported me and sent me congratulations. It meant the world to me. What a great week, I put up a show at 9th and Main to coincide with the show. It went over well, and the party was the hot. Also some friends of mine came and really rocked the mic during the down time. So that was a huge blessing…. I’ve been meaning to write all of this down, but my heart is so heavy tonight, that I feel like I can’t do the last week justice.
This week has been hard. Money is a constant struggle. Especically during the summer. See most of the gigs I do are with Schools. No schools in Summer, not much money either. I’ve been working at a community center, and that has been hard, beautiful, and sad all at the same time, and for the time I’m there they pay me well, but it’s nowhere near what I normally make. So with the tough money situations, everything seems harder especially when you have children. Then I found out one of my closest friend’s little nephew got shot and is in intensive care. Then today, a good friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver. I’m heartbroken.
Deliah and Alex have been my friends since I was 20. Alex was my barber and Deliah is his wife. I met them not long after they had got together. They both worked hard to start their own business, and they succeeded. They own a barber shop/beauty salon in Jacksonville called Low Profile. I love that shop. Before I started growing dreds, I’d go there just to hang out. When they found out about my work as an artist they refused to take money from me. Every cut was on the house. I hadn’t seen Alex in about a year. I would drive by his shop and think, damn I need to stop in, but never did. I saw Deliah at Wal-mart in February. We talked and laughed. I asked about her kids (4) she asked about mine. We thought about old times, and promised to catch up. Today I get the call that she was killed in a car accident. Hit and run, and drunk driver hit her and kept going….. I don’t’ have anything poetic to say. This post is probably rambling and stupid, but I’m broken. I’m broken by this stupid war, and all the people dieing in it. I’m broken by the young black men shooting each other. I’m broken, because I love these people, Alex and Deliha, and I never told her, or him for that matter. That I love them, and thank them for believing in me. There were times when their belief, the refusal to take 10 buck from me for a haircut was the only validation I had. I wish it would stop raining, but somehow it fits.