Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Owning it.

So we are back on Griot: He Who Speaks the Sweet Word, and man does it feel good. As a group the four of us are hitting on all cylinders. David is showing the vulnerability, I've been looking for. Larry, is breaking his own walls down, and Barb is directing with her hyper focused precision in an effort to make us perfect for when we head to NY. I'm excited. Very excited. I realized this week what my problem as an actor has been with Griot. Blast of truth here: I have never felt truly comfortable with Griot and the characters I've been playing. I think because on a whole, I play characters that aren't the center of the scene, the majority of the characters I play in the piece are mostly supporting. This was a little hard for my ego. I mean, I was given the commission for this piece, I did a large majority of the writing, the play is my concept, and damn it, I wanted to star in it. But that line of thought was stopping me from doing the real work. Ego has to go out the door for an artist to truly work. This time out, I realized if I go into the performance working with and for the other actors, I will stand out. And that's what I've been doing. Working what I got to do, to the point that I feel like now, I am serving the work. And that is what this whole thing is supposed to be about serving the play, and the play serves the audience.

On other fronts, most of the work with "Chalk" has slowed down. Mostly because I need someone on my team to help realize the piece in the business aspect. Barb is too busy with a million and one other project, and so am I. She and I work best together on the creative side. As for business I need a manager, or an agent someone that is about me, and my work, has the connections and to make things pop. But hasn’t that been my struggle for a long time? Either way I keep on keepin’ on because, that’s what I do.

Earlier someone wrote that I was whining too much in this blog. I disagree. I talk about my struggles, but, I’m not complaining. It’s life. Everyone deals with it. There is nothing special about my struggles. They are what they are. I thank God for them because they make me who I am. If I was like many of my friends who are artist, with no children and no cares, I may be doing the same thing they are doing, nothing. My children, my life, the obstacles all of it make me a stronger writer, and dedicated artist, struggling to find the space between it all. This gives me the determination that I will succeed. What success is? I’m not sure, but I will get there. Because that’s what I do at my best, I live up to my motto “I’ll find a way or make one.” At worse I whine a little in this blog, bare with me.

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