“They say the goodness in life comes to people who believe…so I believe..”
- Mos Def
As always it’s been a minute since I had the time to update this blog. Thanks for sticking in there with me. It seems like every time I do write there have been some tectonic shifts in my life and career. Things are moving pretty fast, and at the same time pretty slow. That statement might not make a lot of sense so let me explain.
In July of this year I was told that my radio show, State of the Re:Union was going to be funded. Huge development. Problem is, the funding was coming from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. CPB has been great and the people who work there have had so much faith in me and my vision, it’s been amazing. All that being said, CPB is a big ship, and big ships move slowly. From July to November we struggled to work of the details of a grant that would fund the show for a year, as well as set up the frame work for us to receive funding for two more years. The grant that CPB has given the show is substantial, and that’s great but there are a bunch of hoops that need to be jumped through in order to make it happen.
I sit here writing this now, a little shocked that it all worked out. There were months where I didn’t think it was going to happen, times when I had so much going on, juggling so many balls in the air, that I wonder what good was it all? Saying July to November makes it seems so insignificant, but it was huge because it wasn’t just those months. It was the culmination of the development year for the show. Prior to getting our current funding CPB gave us funding develop the show. This was tricky because it was a great opportunity, but I’ve never developed a public radio show before. To be honest, I learned a lot from the year I was in the contest which won me the opportunity to have a show in the first place, but that was like going to Elementary and suddenly being told that you were being promoted to college. My business partner Ian and I had to fight, learn, think, rethink, mold, burn, build, and start all over again to get us on the right footing. We have some great advisors, smart people who guided us into the right territories, but the work had to be done by the two of us. Of course we hired smart people to help, but at the end of the day, Ian and I were on the line.
It’s been a good experience and I wouldn’t change any of it, it all made me stronger but it was extremely tough. On top of all of that, in August I was performing my solo show at the Abingdon Theatre, and at the same time performing for the Lincoln Center with my boys Griot 3, (I mean literally at the same time, I had a show at the Abingdon, then left to perform at Lincoln center, then returned to the Abingdon for another performance). All this, and I was writing a new play “Crumbs” which debut in November and recording the final vocals for the Des Moines episode of State of the Re:Union. It was a nonstop grind. I’d stacked all these events together because that’s how you pay the bills as an artist. You line up as many gigs as you can in the hopes that one of them is going to be the one that pays the bills, or maybe little bits from all of them will pay it off. There were many nights when I laid in the bed after working 16 hour days (having no days off for three months straight) and wondered why I was putting myself through all of this. When stories broke down, when people didn’t live up to their expectations, when money ran out, when everything fell apart.
Two nights after “Crumbs” had opened in November, I could feel the weight of it all in my bones. I was working the play at night (every night) working the radio stuff during the day (every day) my bank account was negative 350.00 because I hadn’t had a paycheck since August. All my bills were behind, and if it weren’t for the kindness of some incredible friends I don’t know how me or my family would have eaten. I hadn’t seen my family in what seemed like months because I was working so many long hours. That night, it just all seemed too much and I just let go. Tears streaming down the sides of my face my body shook with the force of the emotion. I felt utterly lost, and alone. It seemed like everything I’d been working for was not working for me. I thought, God if you want to take me, now would be a good time. I went to sleep, praying I would wake up renewed. But when I woke up I felt like I was in a deep pit, and the only light I could see was above me, a mile away in the distance. That morning, I sat on the edge of my bed for a half hour, just wanting to curl up in a ball and quit. I thought back on this journey I’ve been on. The wins, the losses, the belief that so many people have in me. The sacrifices I’ve had to make financially and personally, all of it, and I stood up, and took a step, and kept moving from there.
If this was a Hollywood story, that day would be a turning point where everything got better. But it didn’t for two more weeks I had to struggle, feeling like I was falling apart every couple minutes, reassessing, regrouping and marching on until finally I’d climbed out of that pit and felt the sun on my face. I don’t proclaim to have done it myself. I have a great team & family; a support network that would prop me up when I wanted to quit, and every step of the way I felt the presence of God pushing me forward. It’s funny, when I hear people reference God speaking to them they tend to use bible verses, and sometimes when I feel like God is telling me something I do hear verses, (usually when I’m doing something wrong) but mostly when I need it, my God sends me something more accessible to me. He comes in the voice of movie scenes, hip-hop songs, but for this time in my life he sung to me in Bono’s voice “It’s not a hill it’s a mountain, as you start out the climb, do you believe me our you doubt it? But we’re going to make it all the way to the light”
Today, I’m in the light. Our show State of the Re:Union, has been funded, I’ve got a paycheck, my solo show Summer in Sanctuary is being considered for an off Broadway run by a really excellent theatre in NYC, Crumbs was a success, still much work to do on the script, but it’s a great start, things are lining up well. When I talk to people and they ask for advise about how to make it doing what you love I always wonder if they are ready for the heartbreak that happens on the way to your goal? I know I will face these valleys again, hell, it’s probably right around the corner. But the fact that I got through this one is going to help me get though the next.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
The end of Summer, a new beginning for Radio, and theatrical Crumbs
Usually after not posting in a couple months I start off with a promise to post more. Today I’m bucking the cycle. I’ll post when I can. I don’t want to write a blog full of useless information, and sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to pour it all out. Today is one of those days when I’m so tired but I can’t really sleep, or stop, so probably the best use of time is to write everything that’s going on. I know other people read this blog (four or five people who get bored) but this blog has always been a tool for me to write what’s in my head. An opportunity to write down the highs and lows of my career so I can look back, and understand where I’m going by knowing where I came from.
This has been an incredibly tough summer. How tough? Well I haven’t had a steady paycheck since July. So basically I’ve been living off my credit card since late August. Not having money, and having a family is extremely hard. Some days it feels impossible. I know there are a lot of families in America-in the world struggling like I am right now. But honestly, while it’s been hard I also feel blessed. I have the knowledge that in a couple weeks I’ll be financially fine. I just have to get to that point.
The radio show State of the Re:Union has been such a great unexpected endeavor. Three years ago, I never thought I would be here. An unexpected bi-product of the show is that it’s forced me to become a business man. I’ve always done the business of Al Letson, but honestly, that’s not that difficult. But the radio show- wow. I am a small business owner. Along with my business partner, in the up coming month’s I’ll be employing seven people. Pretty amazing. Also the reason why I’m so broke right now. We are in the midst of negotiating a contract with a funder, so we’ll be able to do the show. Things are working out, our funder is great but when they are giving a large check to a small company like mine it takes time. Apparently three months time. So after the last grant was over we have been in limbo waiting for the next grant to come along. Thus the hard nerve wracking summer. The good news is State of the Re:Union will be heard nationally and we'll be making full seasons whereas last year we were in development and only made three episodes. Time to do it big. I'm ready.
On the flip side, my work is never done. I’ve been on a hard press to write my new play Crumbs. It’s funny every time I sit down to write another play, I can never remember how to do it. I get nervous and wonder if the last play was a fluke. I try to rewrite the last play with a new name, then suddenly it comes. I don’t know how, but “It” comes. I calm down throw out most of what I’ve already written, and write the piece. Unfortunately for Crumbs my time frame was a little crunched. With all my activities in August, (see previous post) I couldn’t get started in earnest until late August. I didn’t finish writing until yesterday, and the show opens in two weeks. To be fair, I’ve had most of the play done for weeks. But still it’s unfair to the actors to give them final pages weeks before we open, but hey, that’s the way it is.
Summer in Sanctuary was my Spaulding Grey play. I was inspired by his work, and wanted to take what he did, i.e. telling stories about his life simply. Him, a glass of water, a desk and his words. Tough to entertain a crowd for 90 mins unless you got the skills. Spaulding had it in spades. I was inspired and wanted to do that myself. Thus, SIS. CRUMBS is my Lisa Kron play. I’ve been a big fan of Lisa’s work for years. She’s a monologist but she experiments with the form. I read her play Well and fell in love. It was essentially a solo show with help. Like Spaudling’s work it was a story from her past that could relate to everyone. After I read that piece I knew exactly how I wanted to tell Crumbs. I won’t go into it in this post but I plan to talk more about it as we pull the show together so stay tuned.
This has been an incredibly tough summer. How tough? Well I haven’t had a steady paycheck since July. So basically I’ve been living off my credit card since late August. Not having money, and having a family is extremely hard. Some days it feels impossible. I know there are a lot of families in America-in the world struggling like I am right now. But honestly, while it’s been hard I also feel blessed. I have the knowledge that in a couple weeks I’ll be financially fine. I just have to get to that point.
The radio show State of the Re:Union has been such a great unexpected endeavor. Three years ago, I never thought I would be here. An unexpected bi-product of the show is that it’s forced me to become a business man. I’ve always done the business of Al Letson, but honestly, that’s not that difficult. But the radio show- wow. I am a small business owner. Along with my business partner, in the up coming month’s I’ll be employing seven people. Pretty amazing. Also the reason why I’m so broke right now. We are in the midst of negotiating a contract with a funder, so we’ll be able to do the show. Things are working out, our funder is great but when they are giving a large check to a small company like mine it takes time. Apparently three months time. So after the last grant was over we have been in limbo waiting for the next grant to come along. Thus the hard nerve wracking summer. The good news is State of the Re:Union will be heard nationally and we'll be making full seasons whereas last year we were in development and only made three episodes. Time to do it big. I'm ready.
On the flip side, my work is never done. I’ve been on a hard press to write my new play Crumbs. It’s funny every time I sit down to write another play, I can never remember how to do it. I get nervous and wonder if the last play was a fluke. I try to rewrite the last play with a new name, then suddenly it comes. I don’t know how, but “It” comes. I calm down throw out most of what I’ve already written, and write the piece. Unfortunately for Crumbs my time frame was a little crunched. With all my activities in August, (see previous post) I couldn’t get started in earnest until late August. I didn’t finish writing until yesterday, and the show opens in two weeks. To be fair, I’ve had most of the play done for weeks. But still it’s unfair to the actors to give them final pages weeks before we open, but hey, that’s the way it is.
Summer in Sanctuary was my Spaulding Grey play. I was inspired by his work, and wanted to take what he did, i.e. telling stories about his life simply. Him, a glass of water, a desk and his words. Tough to entertain a crowd for 90 mins unless you got the skills. Spaulding had it in spades. I was inspired and wanted to do that myself. Thus, SIS. CRUMBS is my Lisa Kron play. I’ve been a big fan of Lisa’s work for years. She’s a monologist but she experiments with the form. I read her play Well and fell in love. It was essentially a solo show with help. Like Spaudling’s work it was a story from her past that could relate to everyone. After I read that piece I knew exactly how I wanted to tell Crumbs. I won’t go into it in this post but I plan to talk more about it as we pull the show together so stay tuned.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
90 Days of Summer
90 Days of Summer.
I realized with the last post I didn’t talk much about where I am and what I’m doing. So here we go……
In June State of the Re:Union hosted it’s first live event in Jacksonville Fl. It was a great little event. We got about 300 people to come out and check out the show. This was somewhat of a premier for the Jacksonville episode of SOTRU, we had three guest, and as we showed the multimedia clips we created, the audience was able to ask the guests questions about the show, the stories, and our process. Good stuff, and this event created a prototype of how we want to do live shows in the future.
In July SOTRU went to Des Moines for the next episode. Taki Telonidis, Zak Rosen, and I went to the heartland to work on the episode while our crew in Jacksonville provided logistical support. We came home with a ton of material and a lot of work to do to create an episode.
Coming up in late August Players by the Sea will be doing a reading of my new play Crumbs. The piece is in decent shape. But I’m still writing it. Tricky, cause I love the story, but the style is a little different then what I normally do. Which is what I want. I always want to challenge myself, and this piece fits that category. So all August I’ve been working this new play getting ready for the reading.
In early August I performed my solo show Summer in Sanctuary at the Abingdon Theatre. But to tell this story we need to rewind a bit. In April I applied for a grant from the Community Foundation. I applied to get money to fund a workshop performance of the play. The idea was to find a good director that could help me as an actor, writer, but also help push the play into theatres and production companies, someone with a track record and connections. I was fortunate that my friend StacyAnn Chin directed me to a director that she worked with on her solo show. The director Rob is incredible, everything I’ve been looking for. I’ve worked with a handful of great directors, and Rob is definitely in that category. The difference between him and the others is that he’s a director that lives and works in NYC, so he’s got the connections to the places I’d like to have my work performed.
When I got the grant Rob went into action and booked the theatre, and along with my friend/confidant/sorta-manager Bobby, and myself we put up the show for one night. Two performances free to the public. The goal was to get people out that could help move the play forward. Rob and I worked on the script for a couple weeks we did rewrites, rethinking, and blocking. It was a really great experience for me, because having someone from the outside look at the work, and help me clarify points of the story was invaluable. We were able to make tough cuts that moved the play forward faster, and in a solo show, that’s extremely important.
In the meantime, my group, Griot 3 was invited to perform as a part of the Lincoln Center Out of Doors “La Casita Festival” a traveling festival that goes around NYC with artist who perform the spoken word and musicians. It was an honor, seriously, an honor to be invited by the Lincoln Center. Years ago my good friend Jimmy introduced me to Bill Bragin, who’s now at the Lincoln Center, and Bill introduced the curators to our work, and we got the gigs, four dates in one week.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I had La Casita, Summer in Sanctuary, writing Crumbs, plus finishing the vocals (an editing a story) for the next SOTRU installment, “Heart of the Heartland” all in the same week.
The last three weeks have been non-stop work. I would wake up start working on the radio stuff, then switch over to working on the Sanctuary script, then switch over to the Crumbs script, then go to rehearsal for SIS with Rob. I’d leave there, get something to eat then go back to working on radio, and scripts. Through all of this, I averaged about 5 hours of sleep a night. I was in NYC for two weeks before Larry and David joined me for the La Casita gig. Once they got there, I had to do the same stuff as before, but now I had to do gigs as well. On the day I performed SIS, @ the Abingdon, I also had a performance for La Casita. So on that day I performed 3 times. Crazy, but actually fun.
If I’m honest there where times when I wanted to quit. When I laid in bed and thought, “God if you want me, I’m cool, you can come get me tonight.” LOL, Like I have a choice in the matter or he needs my permission. I have a great support network, they all think I’m crazy for taking on so much, but they also help me through it. Without the good Lord looking over me and Ian, Stacie, Taki, Larry, and David I have no idea how I would have got through those weeks. But I did.
The results better then expected. SIS was a success at the Abingdon. I can’t talk specifics, but if things work out, the show might be off-broadway in the future. The La Casita, were great performances, we rocked every crowd we saw and I’m pretty sure the Lincoln Center was pleased. While I was in NYC I found out that SOTRU had passed a significant hurdle in it’s quest for future funding. Nothing in stone, but we are almost there. “Heart of the Heartland” will be the best episode of SOTRU yet. Hands down. I finished the vocals in my hotel room. Recording them under the comforter on the bed to get the best sound. Taki was able to take the audio and make it work. As I write this I’m tired, tired, tired. But I feel like this was all for something. It was all worth it and I’d do it again, and again, and again. In the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” Will Smith says to his son. “You want something? Go get it. Period.” I’m going to get it. Period.
After I came back from New York in Feb from the reading of JX. I felt like I’d failed. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Either way, it was good for me to feel that, cause for me, that emotion just pushes me hard. Makes me get up and work longer. Because there maybe people who are more talented, smarter, prettier, but no one is going to work harder then me. I’m never going to settle for a loss. I’ll take it, and learn from it and then watch out, cause I’m going to get it.
I realized with the last post I didn’t talk much about where I am and what I’m doing. So here we go……
In June State of the Re:Union hosted it’s first live event in Jacksonville Fl. It was a great little event. We got about 300 people to come out and check out the show. This was somewhat of a premier for the Jacksonville episode of SOTRU, we had three guest, and as we showed the multimedia clips we created, the audience was able to ask the guests questions about the show, the stories, and our process. Good stuff, and this event created a prototype of how we want to do live shows in the future.
In July SOTRU went to Des Moines for the next episode. Taki Telonidis, Zak Rosen, and I went to the heartland to work on the episode while our crew in Jacksonville provided logistical support. We came home with a ton of material and a lot of work to do to create an episode.
Coming up in late August Players by the Sea will be doing a reading of my new play Crumbs. The piece is in decent shape. But I’m still writing it. Tricky, cause I love the story, but the style is a little different then what I normally do. Which is what I want. I always want to challenge myself, and this piece fits that category. So all August I’ve been working this new play getting ready for the reading.
In early August I performed my solo show Summer in Sanctuary at the Abingdon Theatre. But to tell this story we need to rewind a bit. In April I applied for a grant from the Community Foundation. I applied to get money to fund a workshop performance of the play. The idea was to find a good director that could help me as an actor, writer, but also help push the play into theatres and production companies, someone with a track record and connections. I was fortunate that my friend StacyAnn Chin directed me to a director that she worked with on her solo show. The director Rob is incredible, everything I’ve been looking for. I’ve worked with a handful of great directors, and Rob is definitely in that category. The difference between him and the others is that he’s a director that lives and works in NYC, so he’s got the connections to the places I’d like to have my work performed.
When I got the grant Rob went into action and booked the theatre, and along with my friend/confidant/sorta-manager Bobby, and myself we put up the show for one night. Two performances free to the public. The goal was to get people out that could help move the play forward. Rob and I worked on the script for a couple weeks we did rewrites, rethinking, and blocking. It was a really great experience for me, because having someone from the outside look at the work, and help me clarify points of the story was invaluable. We were able to make tough cuts that moved the play forward faster, and in a solo show, that’s extremely important.
In the meantime, my group, Griot 3 was invited to perform as a part of the Lincoln Center Out of Doors “La Casita Festival” a traveling festival that goes around NYC with artist who perform the spoken word and musicians. It was an honor, seriously, an honor to be invited by the Lincoln Center. Years ago my good friend Jimmy introduced me to Bill Bragin, who’s now at the Lincoln Center, and Bill introduced the curators to our work, and we got the gigs, four dates in one week.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I had La Casita, Summer in Sanctuary, writing Crumbs, plus finishing the vocals (an editing a story) for the next SOTRU installment, “Heart of the Heartland” all in the same week.
The last three weeks have been non-stop work. I would wake up start working on the radio stuff, then switch over to working on the Sanctuary script, then switch over to the Crumbs script, then go to rehearsal for SIS with Rob. I’d leave there, get something to eat then go back to working on radio, and scripts. Through all of this, I averaged about 5 hours of sleep a night. I was in NYC for two weeks before Larry and David joined me for the La Casita gig. Once they got there, I had to do the same stuff as before, but now I had to do gigs as well. On the day I performed SIS, @ the Abingdon, I also had a performance for La Casita. So on that day I performed 3 times. Crazy, but actually fun.
If I’m honest there where times when I wanted to quit. When I laid in bed and thought, “God if you want me, I’m cool, you can come get me tonight.” LOL, Like I have a choice in the matter or he needs my permission. I have a great support network, they all think I’m crazy for taking on so much, but they also help me through it. Without the good Lord looking over me and Ian, Stacie, Taki, Larry, and David I have no idea how I would have got through those weeks. But I did.
The results better then expected. SIS was a success at the Abingdon. I can’t talk specifics, but if things work out, the show might be off-broadway in the future. The La Casita, were great performances, we rocked every crowd we saw and I’m pretty sure the Lincoln Center was pleased. While I was in NYC I found out that SOTRU had passed a significant hurdle in it’s quest for future funding. Nothing in stone, but we are almost there. “Heart of the Heartland” will be the best episode of SOTRU yet. Hands down. I finished the vocals in my hotel room. Recording them under the comforter on the bed to get the best sound. Taki was able to take the audio and make it work. As I write this I’m tired, tired, tired. But I feel like this was all for something. It was all worth it and I’d do it again, and again, and again. In the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” Will Smith says to his son. “You want something? Go get it. Period.” I’m going to get it. Period.
After I came back from New York in Feb from the reading of JX. I felt like I’d failed. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Either way, it was good for me to feel that, cause for me, that emotion just pushes me hard. Makes me get up and work longer. Because there maybe people who are more talented, smarter, prettier, but no one is going to work harder then me. I’m never going to settle for a loss. I’ll take it, and learn from it and then watch out, cause I’m going to get it.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Letters to a young poet/writer/actor/artist/dancer/fill in the blanks….
Dear Blog readers.
Forgive my absence. It’s been a minute since I had the opportunity to sit down and write another post. I don’t really have a lot of time these days to blog, but I got tired of looking at the old post “Failure”. That was a little too depressing. LOL. Today I’m feeling much more optimistic but at the same time, much more tired. So far this year I have nothing to complain about, I feel like I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, because opportunities have presented themselves, and I’ve tried to jump on every one. Lately a couple people have written me and asked for advice as far as their career is concerned. That seems a little odd to me because I have had the most unconventional career path, and I am very much still working hard to bring all of it in focus. Still, after receiving four such emails in the past two months, I figured maybe it’s worth blogging about. So I’m turning this into an occasional series,which I’m calling “Letters to a young poet/writer/actor/artist/dancer/fill in the blanks….” I’ll be posting on this topic from time to time.
RULE 1: NO PLAN B.
I always start with this rule because it’s the hardest to tell people. No Plan B. This goes against everything we are taught at school, from our parents, and society as a whole. They tell you to dream, but then always advise you to keep something in your backpocket, have a career you can rely on cause trying to make it as an artist is a crap shoot. And they are right. If you need that security, then go get it. Be a banker, a lawyer, a policeman, but don’t be an artist. If you want to create for a living then do it. No plan B nothing to fall back on. Because this life is hard, and uncertain. You will fail. You will be rejected. You will want to quit several times and if you have a plan B, you will do it. Save yourself the heartbreak make Plan B your path, and do art as a hobby. (Which is totally acceptable.)
People have told me how “brave” I am to go out there and keep doing what I do. “It takes a lot of courage” I couldn’t disagree more. It would be courageous if I had options. I do not. This is all I have. If I’m not making art, performing, writing, creating, then I have nothing. In the next 5 years I’ll be over forty, and all I’m really good at is my art. Because I have forged ahead with no Plan B, I fight for everything, I think my moves through, I work as hard as I can, because for me, it’s survival. I’ve worked several jobs, and been okay at them, and I can always find some side work to pay the bills. That is not a plan B however. That’s just filling in the blanks between gigs, it’s never an alternative career. I know a lot of writers and artist that teach, and I guess technically this is a plan B, but I think it depends on the individual. I think there are a lot of artist who teach to pay the bills. They enjoy teaching, but art is where their passion is. I think there are a lot of teachers who do art. They enjoy creating, but teaching is where their passion is. I believe it’s an individuals choice as to how to look at whether you are engaging in a plan B or just doing what you need to eat.
Disclaimer 1: If you sign up for the no plan B, chances are you will be broke, A LOT. Art is a whole is not a very financially rewarding endeavor. It can be, but most times not. Therefore if money is your goal, make a really good plan B.
Disclaimer 2: I am in no way sittiong in judgement of people who choose path B. Not at all. I think it’s an individual choice and making that choice does not mean that you have nothing to contribute. On the contrary, some of the most incredible art comes from people doing it part time. I am only stating what I have done, and why it works for me.
Forgive my absence. It’s been a minute since I had the opportunity to sit down and write another post. I don’t really have a lot of time these days to blog, but I got tired of looking at the old post “Failure”. That was a little too depressing. LOL. Today I’m feeling much more optimistic but at the same time, much more tired. So far this year I have nothing to complain about, I feel like I’ve been burning the candle at both ends, because opportunities have presented themselves, and I’ve tried to jump on every one. Lately a couple people have written me and asked for advice as far as their career is concerned. That seems a little odd to me because I have had the most unconventional career path, and I am very much still working hard to bring all of it in focus. Still, after receiving four such emails in the past two months, I figured maybe it’s worth blogging about. So I’m turning this into an occasional series,which I’m calling “Letters to a young poet/writer/actor/artist/dancer/fill in the blanks….” I’ll be posting on this topic from time to time.
RULE 1: NO PLAN B.
I always start with this rule because it’s the hardest to tell people. No Plan B. This goes against everything we are taught at school, from our parents, and society as a whole. They tell you to dream, but then always advise you to keep something in your backpocket, have a career you can rely on cause trying to make it as an artist is a crap shoot. And they are right. If you need that security, then go get it. Be a banker, a lawyer, a policeman, but don’t be an artist. If you want to create for a living then do it. No plan B nothing to fall back on. Because this life is hard, and uncertain. You will fail. You will be rejected. You will want to quit several times and if you have a plan B, you will do it. Save yourself the heartbreak make Plan B your path, and do art as a hobby. (Which is totally acceptable.)
People have told me how “brave” I am to go out there and keep doing what I do. “It takes a lot of courage” I couldn’t disagree more. It would be courageous if I had options. I do not. This is all I have. If I’m not making art, performing, writing, creating, then I have nothing. In the next 5 years I’ll be over forty, and all I’m really good at is my art. Because I have forged ahead with no Plan B, I fight for everything, I think my moves through, I work as hard as I can, because for me, it’s survival. I’ve worked several jobs, and been okay at them, and I can always find some side work to pay the bills. That is not a plan B however. That’s just filling in the blanks between gigs, it’s never an alternative career. I know a lot of writers and artist that teach, and I guess technically this is a plan B, but I think it depends on the individual. I think there are a lot of artist who teach to pay the bills. They enjoy teaching, but art is where their passion is. I think there are a lot of teachers who do art. They enjoy creating, but teaching is where their passion is. I believe it’s an individuals choice as to how to look at whether you are engaging in a plan B or just doing what you need to eat.
Disclaimer 1: If you sign up for the no plan B, chances are you will be broke, A LOT. Art is a whole is not a very financially rewarding endeavor. It can be, but most times not. Therefore if money is your goal, make a really good plan B.
Disclaimer 2: I am in no way sittiong in judgement of people who choose path B. Not at all. I think it’s an individual choice and making that choice does not mean that you have nothing to contribute. On the contrary, some of the most incredible art comes from people doing it part time. I am only stating what I have done, and why it works for me.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Failure
Failure
"I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why... I succeed."
Michael Jordan
I wasn’t going to post these thoughts because I look at this blog as a place where I talk about what’s going on in the career of Al Letson. Generally, I like to keep it positive. I usually try not to talk about the struggles here, but in reflection, I think that without talking about the bad times, the celebration of the good times doesn’t have as much meaning.
That being said, I’m at the point of burn-out. On everything. I need to get away for awhile. Leave the computer on the desk and relax. But I don’t see where I’ll have time to do that until August (if then). All the projects I’m working on seems a little too big, or a little too hopeless. I’m still working to perfect the Jacksonville episode. I like what I have, but I feel like I could do better. I need to give people a better sense of the place. Right now I think I have good solid stories, but I need more parts to fill it out. If I was okay with being good, then I think it’d be fine. But I’m not okay with being good. I want to be brilliant. I will be brilliant. Period. The space between good and brilliant is a hard spot. In some ways I feel like I'm just not doing enough. Like the show needs to work better in some key areas, and I'm not sure how to do it. So, yeah, it feels like I'm failing. I don't know what else I can do. It's got to come from outside of me. I have a great team but I need a senior producer to really help find that missing part. Until then, I've got to push to make it work. Fortunately, in circumstances like this, I am always at my best.
The theatre side of my career is where most of my frustration comes from. My best friend Jamel told me the other night, “How come every time I talk to you, it’s like you are waiting on someone else to give you the green light?” He's right and for a person like me, who likes being in control that’s the part of being an artist that kills. I’ve got all of these great ideas, scripts, and stories, and yet I always feel like I’m on the outside begging to get in. Today Julius X will be read for a second time by the Classical Theatre of Harlem @ the cell theater. I am extremely excited for this to happen. But on the flip side, I’m a little disappointed because I feel like this will probably be the end for the play. I could be completely wrong, but I can help but feel like what I was hoping for (someone who could help produce the play) would see the work, and want to help find a way to make it work. I’m confident, that if the right person is in the room, the play will get what it needs to be given a full run in NYC. The actors are amazing, the director is excellent, and the story and writing are on point. And yet, I don’t have much working as far as getting people out. It’s the never-ending problem for me. I create good work, but have no advocate to get that work out there. It’s beyond frustrating.
My play Summer in Sanctuary is in neutral. After having great success in at home and in Baltimore, the piece has been rejected by every juried festival I’ve sent it to. I believe in the play again I know it’s strong. I’ve seen solo shows in NYC and I’m always disappointed. I know my plays are stronger then what I’m seeing, but I can’t get anyone to really take me seriously. I’m working on a new play and I’m getting the feeling of “Why?” Why create anymore because it will be like all the other pieces. Good work that will collect dust. That feeling never last for long because the answer to the question “WHY?” is simple, because I could not, not do it. I can’t stop writing. I can’t stop performing. It’s who I am. On a dark day in Boston eleven years ago, I learned what the consequences were of not following the art. I’d tried to stop writing to make other people happy to fit into someone else box, and one day it all came crashing down. I thought about just ending it all because I was so lost. It was a terrible day that I had to go through to learn who I really am. An artist. A writer. A doer. A dreamer. And no matter how bad I feel right now, it’s nothing in comparison to sense of utter loss I felt when I tried to stop being me.
My mantra has always been “Do the work” and everything else will work out and I’m going to keep that mantra going, but some days when you do all the work and nothing works out it can be demoralizing.
"I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why... I succeed."
Michael Jordan
I wasn’t going to post these thoughts because I look at this blog as a place where I talk about what’s going on in the career of Al Letson. Generally, I like to keep it positive. I usually try not to talk about the struggles here, but in reflection, I think that without talking about the bad times, the celebration of the good times doesn’t have as much meaning.
That being said, I’m at the point of burn-out. On everything. I need to get away for awhile. Leave the computer on the desk and relax. But I don’t see where I’ll have time to do that until August (if then). All the projects I’m working on seems a little too big, or a little too hopeless. I’m still working to perfect the Jacksonville episode. I like what I have, but I feel like I could do better. I need to give people a better sense of the place. Right now I think I have good solid stories, but I need more parts to fill it out. If I was okay with being good, then I think it’d be fine. But I’m not okay with being good. I want to be brilliant. I will be brilliant. Period. The space between good and brilliant is a hard spot. In some ways I feel like I'm just not doing enough. Like the show needs to work better in some key areas, and I'm not sure how to do it. So, yeah, it feels like I'm failing. I don't know what else I can do. It's got to come from outside of me. I have a great team but I need a senior producer to really help find that missing part. Until then, I've got to push to make it work. Fortunately, in circumstances like this, I am always at my best.
The theatre side of my career is where most of my frustration comes from. My best friend Jamel told me the other night, “How come every time I talk to you, it’s like you are waiting on someone else to give you the green light?” He's right and for a person like me, who likes being in control that’s the part of being an artist that kills. I’ve got all of these great ideas, scripts, and stories, and yet I always feel like I’m on the outside begging to get in. Today Julius X will be read for a second time by the Classical Theatre of Harlem @ the cell theater. I am extremely excited for this to happen. But on the flip side, I’m a little disappointed because I feel like this will probably be the end for the play. I could be completely wrong, but I can help but feel like what I was hoping for (someone who could help produce the play) would see the work, and want to help find a way to make it work. I’m confident, that if the right person is in the room, the play will get what it needs to be given a full run in NYC. The actors are amazing, the director is excellent, and the story and writing are on point. And yet, I don’t have much working as far as getting people out. It’s the never-ending problem for me. I create good work, but have no advocate to get that work out there. It’s beyond frustrating.
My play Summer in Sanctuary is in neutral. After having great success in at home and in Baltimore, the piece has been rejected by every juried festival I’ve sent it to. I believe in the play again I know it’s strong. I’ve seen solo shows in NYC and I’m always disappointed. I know my plays are stronger then what I’m seeing, but I can’t get anyone to really take me seriously. I’m working on a new play and I’m getting the feeling of “Why?” Why create anymore because it will be like all the other pieces. Good work that will collect dust. That feeling never last for long because the answer to the question “WHY?” is simple, because I could not, not do it. I can’t stop writing. I can’t stop performing. It’s who I am. On a dark day in Boston eleven years ago, I learned what the consequences were of not following the art. I’d tried to stop writing to make other people happy to fit into someone else box, and one day it all came crashing down. I thought about just ending it all because I was so lost. It was a terrible day that I had to go through to learn who I really am. An artist. A writer. A doer. A dreamer. And no matter how bad I feel right now, it’s nothing in comparison to sense of utter loss I felt when I tried to stop being me.
My mantra has always been “Do the work” and everything else will work out and I’m going to keep that mantra going, but some days when you do all the work and nothing works out it can be demoralizing.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Julius X comes home.
“I’m going to remember this night, for the rest of my life.” That’s what I was thinking when my cousin walked into Schomburg Center in New York City. I have a strange relationship with New York. I love her. Seriously. I have such great memories of NY. Syretta, Bassey, Sabrina and I walking through Brooklyn in the summer. Stacie, Rich and I stumbling from bar to bar in the West Village. Seeing Passing Strange on Broadway, wanting to throw my concessions at a solo performer while Lucy and Jason practically snored next to me. I could go on and on.
Then there are the tough times; As a kid I was a leader in a hip hop group, Jamel, Squiggy, LJ, we drove up to NY looking to break in. I remember leaving to get on the subway, and I told everyone, “Grab a tape, we’re in NY anything can happen.” Nothing happened except we spent a ton of money with nothing in return. Dan and I went to NYC to do my solo show Essential Personnel, I later returned with Barbara, Mark and a band to put the show up again. Sometimes I’d perform for forty people most of the time I performed for three. I thought the experience of performing for such a small crowd was the worst thing that happened to me. Now I know it was one of the best. Traveling that for to perform for three people seemed like such a waste. But really it prepared me in ways I couldn’t imagine at the time. Professionally, every time I left New York, I’d think, she got me again. While staying in the city rehearsing with a new director for Essential Personnel, Ron, I woke up in Bassey and Maro’s apartment in Brooklyn to find out the sky had fallen. I remember clearly walking through the streets going to get something to eat, and the ash from the Towers floating in the air. Seed and I “escaped” New York three days later. When we drove out from the city, I looked out of the rear window and watched as the smoke crept from the mounds of debris and stretched itself into the night sky. I mourned for the city, the people, and the idea of New York. The idea that all these people of all different backgrounds could be in the same place, work together, live together, love/hate and struggle together it seemed that 9/11 had destroyed that.
Thankfully New York and her people are stronger then that.
I wrote Julius X, about a mythical time and place in America, Harlem more specifically. The play is set in an alternative universe, but it is about honoring a man, Malcolm X, a place, and a time. I did a ton of research, talked to Jimmy, Dr. Felicia and her mother to help me fill out the vision of what Harlem was, what it meant to the people who lived there. It’s a complicated piece with a lot of layers. I’ve had two really excellent directors do the play and I’m happy with both of their visions. Gary’s (Plowshares in Detroit) version was tight and well staged, Barbara’s (Players by the Sea in Jacksonville) was big, and smart. Both got the poetry right for the most part. The actors in both were good. Except, Julius. The Detroit Julius was good, but not what I was looking for, I enjoyed him as an actor, just not sure I dug him in that role. The less I say about the Jacksonville Julius probably the better.
There have been other productions, one in Cleveland that I didn’t get to see. I was curious how that production was because I was not able to work with the actors on the poetry, so I wasn’t sure how it was going to work out. The reviews were mixed, I didn’t expect to get much out of it. But oddly enough that production is how the Classical Theatre of Harlem found out about the play. While on tour they’d heard from someone that they needed to check out the play, they asked for a script, I sent it in and didn’t hear anything for a while, and then they schedule the reading. Between radio, Summer in Sanctuary, and my new piece Crumbs, I hadn’t thought much about it.
I came to New York for rehearsal a little unsure. The director Tracy, was young and hadn’t directed a lot. She was nice though, and I thought she got the material… but still. All of that was erased the minute we started rehearsal. The cast was phenomenal, and Tracy’s command of the rhythm was impressive. In a week’s time we bonded and created something that was better then I’d even imagined it in my head. Each actor did amazing work, but I’d seen great actors in various roles, so while I was impressed I wasn’t surprised. It was the smaller roles that blew me away; usually in a production the weaker actors get the smaller roles. In this reading, we got some excellent talent to read these small parts and really bring it to life. And then there was Julius. Ty Jones is an incredible actor, I’ve seen him, do his thing a couple times, and I enjoyed watching him. When CTH said they wanted to read the play I asked if Ty could be Julius because I knew he could kill the part. Thankfully Ty is on the board of CTH, and agreed to do it. He was magnificent. He gave the reading exactly what the role needs. Fire, smarts, and a magnetism that makes you as an audience member want to follow him. Without that fire, the play loses much of it’s punch. The actors, the drummer/violinist, Tracy and I were able to collaborate on the material and elevate it beyond what I have been hearing in my head into something beautiful.
The night of the reading, I got all screwed up on subway, and had to jump in a cab to get to the Schomburg Center. When I read the address to the cabbie, is when it hit me. The Schomburg is in Harlem. 135 and Malcolm X Blvd. Performing the piece in Harlem was something I wanted to do since started writing the play, but honestly I never thought it would happen. It struck me watching the actors, give the play it’s due, in some ways I’ve accomplished a goal, a dream that I held on to so long, I just didn’t even think about it anymore.
I’m not one for looking back when it comes to my career. When good things happen, I take it, enjoy it for a day or two then let it go. I learned long ago that the business is a series of ups and downs and the way you survive is not to get too high or too low. But this week, I know I will feel similar to the way I did when my children were born. A continual floating high, that’s not so easy to let go.
God is good, and the universe makes space when you dream.
Then there are the tough times; As a kid I was a leader in a hip hop group, Jamel, Squiggy, LJ, we drove up to NY looking to break in. I remember leaving to get on the subway, and I told everyone, “Grab a tape, we’re in NY anything can happen.” Nothing happened except we spent a ton of money with nothing in return. Dan and I went to NYC to do my solo show Essential Personnel, I later returned with Barbara, Mark and a band to put the show up again. Sometimes I’d perform for forty people most of the time I performed for three. I thought the experience of performing for such a small crowd was the worst thing that happened to me. Now I know it was one of the best. Traveling that for to perform for three people seemed like such a waste. But really it prepared me in ways I couldn’t imagine at the time. Professionally, every time I left New York, I’d think, she got me again. While staying in the city rehearsing with a new director for Essential Personnel, Ron, I woke up in Bassey and Maro’s apartment in Brooklyn to find out the sky had fallen. I remember clearly walking through the streets going to get something to eat, and the ash from the Towers floating in the air. Seed and I “escaped” New York three days later. When we drove out from the city, I looked out of the rear window and watched as the smoke crept from the mounds of debris and stretched itself into the night sky. I mourned for the city, the people, and the idea of New York. The idea that all these people of all different backgrounds could be in the same place, work together, live together, love/hate and struggle together it seemed that 9/11 had destroyed that.
Thankfully New York and her people are stronger then that.
I wrote Julius X, about a mythical time and place in America, Harlem more specifically. The play is set in an alternative universe, but it is about honoring a man, Malcolm X, a place, and a time. I did a ton of research, talked to Jimmy, Dr. Felicia and her mother to help me fill out the vision of what Harlem was, what it meant to the people who lived there. It’s a complicated piece with a lot of layers. I’ve had two really excellent directors do the play and I’m happy with both of their visions. Gary’s (Plowshares in Detroit) version was tight and well staged, Barbara’s (Players by the Sea in Jacksonville) was big, and smart. Both got the poetry right for the most part. The actors in both were good. Except, Julius. The Detroit Julius was good, but not what I was looking for, I enjoyed him as an actor, just not sure I dug him in that role. The less I say about the Jacksonville Julius probably the better.
There have been other productions, one in Cleveland that I didn’t get to see. I was curious how that production was because I was not able to work with the actors on the poetry, so I wasn’t sure how it was going to work out. The reviews were mixed, I didn’t expect to get much out of it. But oddly enough that production is how the Classical Theatre of Harlem found out about the play. While on tour they’d heard from someone that they needed to check out the play, they asked for a script, I sent it in and didn’t hear anything for a while, and then they schedule the reading. Between radio, Summer in Sanctuary, and my new piece Crumbs, I hadn’t thought much about it.
I came to New York for rehearsal a little unsure. The director Tracy, was young and hadn’t directed a lot. She was nice though, and I thought she got the material… but still. All of that was erased the minute we started rehearsal. The cast was phenomenal, and Tracy’s command of the rhythm was impressive. In a week’s time we bonded and created something that was better then I’d even imagined it in my head. Each actor did amazing work, but I’d seen great actors in various roles, so while I was impressed I wasn’t surprised. It was the smaller roles that blew me away; usually in a production the weaker actors get the smaller roles. In this reading, we got some excellent talent to read these small parts and really bring it to life. And then there was Julius. Ty Jones is an incredible actor, I’ve seen him, do his thing a couple times, and I enjoyed watching him. When CTH said they wanted to read the play I asked if Ty could be Julius because I knew he could kill the part. Thankfully Ty is on the board of CTH, and agreed to do it. He was magnificent. He gave the reading exactly what the role needs. Fire, smarts, and a magnetism that makes you as an audience member want to follow him. Without that fire, the play loses much of it’s punch. The actors, the drummer/violinist, Tracy and I were able to collaborate on the material and elevate it beyond what I have been hearing in my head into something beautiful.
The night of the reading, I got all screwed up on subway, and had to jump in a cab to get to the Schomburg Center. When I read the address to the cabbie, is when it hit me. The Schomburg is in Harlem. 135 and Malcolm X Blvd. Performing the piece in Harlem was something I wanted to do since started writing the play, but honestly I never thought it would happen. It struck me watching the actors, give the play it’s due, in some ways I’ve accomplished a goal, a dream that I held on to so long, I just didn’t even think about it anymore.
I’m not one for looking back when it comes to my career. When good things happen, I take it, enjoy it for a day or two then let it go. I learned long ago that the business is a series of ups and downs and the way you survive is not to get too high or too low. But this week, I know I will feel similar to the way I did when my children were born. A continual floating high, that’s not so easy to let go.
God is good, and the universe makes space when you dream.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Today is the Future.
Today is the Future.
Happy 2009. Now time to get to work. I’ve been working on the next installment of my radio show State of the Re:UNION Jacksonville Bold New City of the South for a couple weeks now. The process of creating a show is a weird mixture of excitement, fear, and logistics. I’m embracing it, but just like every show Jacksonville presents a challenge. Here, I’d say the biggest challenge comes in three areas.
1. I was on my way to report a story, ran into on of my favorite spots the Burrito Gallery, to grab something to eat came out to my car 10 minutes later to find that my car had been broken into and all of my audio equipment was stole. The thieves must have been watching me when I parked because I made sure all my doors were locked and put my bag under the seat with a jacket on top of it. They went right for the bag, leaving everything else in tact. At first I was pissed. But a week later I can look back on it and be glad. I’m happy because right now, I’m sad to say the city I love so much is in the throws of violence. It’s everywhere. People are being killed for less then nothing. If I’d left the Burrito Gallery five minutes earlier, I might have caught the thieves, and they might have caught me with some bullets. Eight hundred dollars worth of equipment is not worth mine or anyone else’s life.
2. This is my home city. You’d think it would be easier to do a show on your home territory but in some ways that familiarity is the enemy. It makes objectivity hard. The staff of SOTRU and I have spent weeks thinking about the stories we would tell, how could we sum up a city we know so well, we almost have too many ideas.
3. I love SOTRU: Motor City Rebound. But there are things in the show that I want to do better. This is our development process, so we are allowing ourselves to experiment with form and content. With Detroit, I feel like we didn’t get the grit of the city, we got so many stories of optimism, which was great, but I think it would have been better to have a little more balance.
These three challenges are going to make this show special. I’ve decided that this episode needs to be extremely personal. Like I must take ownership of this city, the good and bad. I have a personal history with this place, some days I love it, other days I want to run as fast and far as I can to get away from it. So my goal is to take that contradiction and give it life.
Happy 2009. Now time to get to work. I’ve been working on the next installment of my radio show State of the Re:UNION Jacksonville Bold New City of the South for a couple weeks now. The process of creating a show is a weird mixture of excitement, fear, and logistics. I’m embracing it, but just like every show Jacksonville presents a challenge. Here, I’d say the biggest challenge comes in three areas.
1. I was on my way to report a story, ran into on of my favorite spots the Burrito Gallery, to grab something to eat came out to my car 10 minutes later to find that my car had been broken into and all of my audio equipment was stole. The thieves must have been watching me when I parked because I made sure all my doors were locked and put my bag under the seat with a jacket on top of it. They went right for the bag, leaving everything else in tact. At first I was pissed. But a week later I can look back on it and be glad. I’m happy because right now, I’m sad to say the city I love so much is in the throws of violence. It’s everywhere. People are being killed for less then nothing. If I’d left the Burrito Gallery five minutes earlier, I might have caught the thieves, and they might have caught me with some bullets. Eight hundred dollars worth of equipment is not worth mine or anyone else’s life.
2. This is my home city. You’d think it would be easier to do a show on your home territory but in some ways that familiarity is the enemy. It makes objectivity hard. The staff of SOTRU and I have spent weeks thinking about the stories we would tell, how could we sum up a city we know so well, we almost have too many ideas.
3. I love SOTRU: Motor City Rebound. But there are things in the show that I want to do better. This is our development process, so we are allowing ourselves to experiment with form and content. With Detroit, I feel like we didn’t get the grit of the city, we got so many stories of optimism, which was great, but I think it would have been better to have a little more balance.
These three challenges are going to make this show special. I’ve decided that this episode needs to be extremely personal. Like I must take ownership of this city, the good and bad. I have a personal history with this place, some days I love it, other days I want to run as fast and far as I can to get away from it. So my goal is to take that contradiction and give it life.
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