Griot at FCCJ April 21st and the 22nd
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
“The past is so hard to get from under”
“The past is so hard to get from under”
March 28th is a day of loss for me. My daughter passed away on this date. Her name is Laurynn LeShonda Letson. Usually, I don’t talk about people in my family. Many people know I have a daughter because of my “Venus” poem, and that daughter’s name is Brooklynn. Laurynn is her little sister, who would be six today. I never got to play with her, or do things I do with my other children because she was gone almost as quickly as she was here. What I did get to do was to hold her. Once. I felt her warm little body pressed against mine. She was already gone, but I still got the chance to touch her. I whispered a poem in her ear. It was more of a prayer that she would find some peace some place better then where she’d be born into. I don’t remember letting go. I wanted to follow the nurse to whatever room they were taking her, and beg them to take me. Let her stay, I’d go in her place. But I knew when I watched them wheel her away that I didn’t belong there. I wasn’t pure or perfect. I’d done to much and seen too much to just walk into the light like her.
I use to feel so guilty about it all. Like a bricks had been laid against my chest each one with her name inscribed on them. I used those bricks to build walls around my heart, and soul. The thing about being a writer, or any kind of artist for that matter means that you can not operate within walls. Walls are exactly what an artist strives against. Slowly but surely, you have to chip away at those walls, so you can be human. So you can help other people escape their own walls. I thought about writing the entry and never mention Laurynn just talk about the loss of someone close to me, but that’s just living behind the wall. It’s not living in the real world, with real pain, or real happiness. I want more for me. And more for her. I don’t want her memory to be the pain that defines me. And yet, I know sometimes it is.
I these days, I don’t look to place blame on myself, of anyone else, I just understand that sometimes life works in it’s own ways. But I miss her. In ways I don’t even know how to write about. In times that seem to be a random as hell, but somehow make sense. That’s where she lies. I don’t know how heaven works. I don’t know if what people say will happen, happens. It would be nice to see her, to tell her I love her. But I think if I don’t ever see her again, this is as good as a place as any.
“Laurynn, I prayed for you the last time I held you, and I said it to you but you were already gone, but I love you baby. As much as I do all my little ones, from now till forever”
The Universe makes space. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
March 28th is a day of loss for me. My daughter passed away on this date. Her name is Laurynn LeShonda Letson. Usually, I don’t talk about people in my family. Many people know I have a daughter because of my “Venus” poem, and that daughter’s name is Brooklynn. Laurynn is her little sister, who would be six today. I never got to play with her, or do things I do with my other children because she was gone almost as quickly as she was here. What I did get to do was to hold her. Once. I felt her warm little body pressed against mine. She was already gone, but I still got the chance to touch her. I whispered a poem in her ear. It was more of a prayer that she would find some peace some place better then where she’d be born into. I don’t remember letting go. I wanted to follow the nurse to whatever room they were taking her, and beg them to take me. Let her stay, I’d go in her place. But I knew when I watched them wheel her away that I didn’t belong there. I wasn’t pure or perfect. I’d done to much and seen too much to just walk into the light like her.
I use to feel so guilty about it all. Like a bricks had been laid against my chest each one with her name inscribed on them. I used those bricks to build walls around my heart, and soul. The thing about being a writer, or any kind of artist for that matter means that you can not operate within walls. Walls are exactly what an artist strives against. Slowly but surely, you have to chip away at those walls, so you can be human. So you can help other people escape their own walls. I thought about writing the entry and never mention Laurynn just talk about the loss of someone close to me, but that’s just living behind the wall. It’s not living in the real world, with real pain, or real happiness. I want more for me. And more for her. I don’t want her memory to be the pain that defines me. And yet, I know sometimes it is.
I these days, I don’t look to place blame on myself, of anyone else, I just understand that sometimes life works in it’s own ways. But I miss her. In ways I don’t even know how to write about. In times that seem to be a random as hell, but somehow make sense. That’s where she lies. I don’t know how heaven works. I don’t know if what people say will happen, happens. It would be nice to see her, to tell her I love her. But I think if I don’t ever see her again, this is as good as a place as any.
“Laurynn, I prayed for you the last time I held you, and I said it to you but you were already gone, but I love you baby. As much as I do all my little ones, from now till forever”
The Universe makes space. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Life after February
Life after February
Dear Blog forgive me it’s been about a month since my last confessional. With tons of writing to do, and new projects needing to be written, I find myself in a state of inertia. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to live a little. This is not a bad thing, what it is, is a testament to the work, I put in on Julius X. It was a long and good process, but it’s left me feeling somewhat drained. I’m working hard to get the play produced in other places, so we’ll see how that goes. Additionally, I’ve been working with the composer, Mr. Bruce Mack. I am very, very, excited about where the piece can go. The biggest draw back with X is the size of the cast. There are not many African American Theatre companies across the nation that could do a version of this piece. That fact is part of the reason I try not to write big pieces. The story for Julius X was so big, and it was something I had to do, I have to accept that there are some downsides to the work.
What I’ve been up to: Last week I went to NYC it was suppose to be a time of fun, and some good work. I got hired by Sony to film a tradeshow commercial for their new HiDef products. They wanted their own, HiDef Poets. In addition I was going to work with the composer for Julius X, and have a few meetings with some key people to hopefully get the show on the right path for an NYC production. I have a gang of friends in the NY area I do not see enough, so I thought this would be a great time to do a bunch work and socializing, but the best laid plans, always have plans of their own.
The Sony shoot went well. I’ve done a couple TV gigs from Def Poetry to the Final Four for CBS in 2004, to some PBS stuff, I have to say Sony was really a class act. The CBS shoot had a level of uncertainty. They weren’t sure whether the spot was going to air or not. So it was shot as fast as possible, without really giving me a chance to prepare. We auditioned, they choose me, I was given a script, and boom, time to shoot. Def Poetry of course is a whole different ball of wax. You come in do your thing, see a lot of folks have a great time, and make a little change. PBS stuff was mostly promotional, so you talk about what you’re doing, and perform and then out the door. Sony fully catered the shoot. They gave all 4 poets participating an opportunity to write their own short segments, and then drove us out of a soundstage in New Jersey where we performed the piece. The other poets on the shoot were Kelly Tsia www.yellowgurl.com, Bob Holman www.Bowerypoetryclub.com, & Bassey Ikpi www.basseyworld.com , Also an actor named Anthony Veneziale who is a part of www.backhouseproductions.org. We had a good time, and I can’t wait to see the actual commercial.
The next day my health crashed. Stuck in NY a thousand miles away from my inhaler, I had a major asthma attack and my allergies were out of control. For the most part I stayed in the bed for 4 days. I had some pretty important meetings I was able to make, but as soon as they were over I ran back to my hotel and crashed. Later in the week, I stayed with Bruce Mack and his lovely wife Vons, out in Jersey. We worked some on the music, both of us feeling the direction of the other. I came home a little early. I needed to recuperate from the trip and here I sit, not feeling 100%. The sad part about the trip is that I didn’t get to see a lot of people I wanted to hang out with. Nor, did I get to see any of the theatre I was hoping to check out. But on a whole the entire trip was productive. Life moves on…..
Dear Blog forgive me it’s been about a month since my last confessional. With tons of writing to do, and new projects needing to be written, I find myself in a state of inertia. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to live a little. This is not a bad thing, what it is, is a testament to the work, I put in on Julius X. It was a long and good process, but it’s left me feeling somewhat drained. I’m working hard to get the play produced in other places, so we’ll see how that goes. Additionally, I’ve been working with the composer, Mr. Bruce Mack. I am very, very, excited about where the piece can go. The biggest draw back with X is the size of the cast. There are not many African American Theatre companies across the nation that could do a version of this piece. That fact is part of the reason I try not to write big pieces. The story for Julius X was so big, and it was something I had to do, I have to accept that there are some downsides to the work.
What I’ve been up to: Last week I went to NYC it was suppose to be a time of fun, and some good work. I got hired by Sony to film a tradeshow commercial for their new HiDef products. They wanted their own, HiDef Poets. In addition I was going to work with the composer for Julius X, and have a few meetings with some key people to hopefully get the show on the right path for an NYC production. I have a gang of friends in the NY area I do not see enough, so I thought this would be a great time to do a bunch work and socializing, but the best laid plans, always have plans of their own.
The Sony shoot went well. I’ve done a couple TV gigs from Def Poetry to the Final Four for CBS in 2004, to some PBS stuff, I have to say Sony was really a class act. The CBS shoot had a level of uncertainty. They weren’t sure whether the spot was going to air or not. So it was shot as fast as possible, without really giving me a chance to prepare. We auditioned, they choose me, I was given a script, and boom, time to shoot. Def Poetry of course is a whole different ball of wax. You come in do your thing, see a lot of folks have a great time, and make a little change. PBS stuff was mostly promotional, so you talk about what you’re doing, and perform and then out the door. Sony fully catered the shoot. They gave all 4 poets participating an opportunity to write their own short segments, and then drove us out of a soundstage in New Jersey where we performed the piece. The other poets on the shoot were Kelly Tsia www.yellowgurl.com, Bob Holman www.Bowerypoetryclub.com, & Bassey Ikpi www.basseyworld.com , Also an actor named Anthony Veneziale who is a part of www.backhouseproductions.org. We had a good time, and I can’t wait to see the actual commercial.
The next day my health crashed. Stuck in NY a thousand miles away from my inhaler, I had a major asthma attack and my allergies were out of control. For the most part I stayed in the bed for 4 days. I had some pretty important meetings I was able to make, but as soon as they were over I ran back to my hotel and crashed. Later in the week, I stayed with Bruce Mack and his lovely wife Vons, out in Jersey. We worked some on the music, both of us feeling the direction of the other. I came home a little early. I needed to recuperate from the trip and here I sit, not feeling 100%. The sad part about the trip is that I didn’t get to see a lot of people I wanted to hang out with. Nor, did I get to see any of the theatre I was hoping to check out. But on a whole the entire trip was productive. Life moves on…..
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